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Dirty Redneck Jokes

33 Dirty Redneck Jokes
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Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks. The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," repliedthe professor.

"That's real good!" says the redneck. The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house." Impressed, the redneck says, "Amazin!" "And since you owna house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that youare heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait totake that logic class!!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is stillwaiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" replies the first redneck. "What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example.

Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're QUEER, ain't ya?"




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Farmer: I've got a bull that's right off it duties. It's got to service 300 cows and all it wants to do is eat.

Vet: Give it one of these little pills in its feed and stand back.

So 2 weeks later the farmer comes back to the vet:

Farmer: WOW, what a pill! I gave the pill to the bull like you said and POW! It jumped over the gate, ran down the lane and fucked 70 cows in 30 minutes.

Vet: So, what's the problem - why have you come back?

Farmer: Well, I was wondering, I am meeting this 18-year-old tonight - could you give me one of those tablets? I'm not as young as I was.

Vet: Oh, no! Sorry, it's too strong but I will give you a quarter of a pill.

So the farmer takes the pill and goes off to prepare for his date. Several days later, the farmer goes back to the Vet.

Farmer: Hello, Vet. Wonderful. 40 Times.

Vet: So, why have you come back?Farmer: Ah! I need something for my wrist - she never showed up!


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There was a men who is lost in a forest during a storm. He came to a house and knocked on the door. A farmer came out and asked, "what the hell do you want?"

The man asked, "Could I spend a night here?"

"Sure, but you can't touch my daughter."

So the man was sleeping that night, when the daughter came in. And that night, they did it. The next night, they did it, too. The next night, they did it, again.

Until one night, the daughter said to the man, "I am tired of doing it in your room."

So the man went to the daughter's room and did it. The next night, they did it The next night, they did it, too The next night, they did it again.

They have done it in every single room in the house EXECPT the father's room.

So one night they decided to go to the father's room and do it. When they went in, the father has fallen deep into sleep.

The man asked, "what the hell is that hairy thing in his bed?"

The daughter said, "it's his hairy ass"

So the man and the daughter were doing it in his room for 2 weeks and they loved it.

But unfortunatly, one day, the father came to the man and go, "we need to talk."

"What, I didn't have sex with your daughter!"

"I will tell you the truth, I don't care if you have sex with my daughter anymore, just don't use my hairy ass as a score board!"


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An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard.

Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. 'So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this.' He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy," said the young rooster.

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself . . . "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."


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A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant by artificial insemination, the farmer decided it must mean he had to impregnate the pigs himself, so he loaded all the pigs in his pickup and drove down to the woods and shagged them all.

The next day he called the vet again, and asked how would he know if the pigs were pregnant. The vet told him they would be lying down rolling in the mud, but when he looked out the window not even one was lying down. So, he loaded them up in his pickup again and drove them to the woods and shagged them all again. To his dismay they were all standing the next morning. So, again he loads the pigs in his truck drives them to the woods and shags them for the third time.

By the next morning the farmer is beat, so he asks his wife to hop out of bed and look out the window to see what the pigs are doing. She says "hmmm - that's weird, they are all in the truck and one of them is blowing the horn".


33 Dirty Redneck Jokes
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