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121 Dirty Men Jokes
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30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahhhh, it's cute.

3. Why don't we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It's OK, we'll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no... a flash headache.

11. (giggle and point)

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won't take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. If you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.




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I'm Glad I'm A Man - by: A Man
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and to stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!


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BLOWJOB ETIQUETTE FOR MEN - kindly written by a woman

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is notstandard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last Iheard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANTpuke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does Not mean that it's "hummer week" - get itthrough your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don'tfeel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sexright now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high schoolgirls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with myMidol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don'ttell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediatelyafterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to berepeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculateabout the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happythat we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care aboutthe protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't getblow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate toeither sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I haveto "kiss it good morning".


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Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices theother guy has a cork in his ass.

He says, "How'd you get a cork stuck in your ass?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and Itripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then ared man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I Tonto,Indian Genie. I grant-um one wish.' And I said, 'No shit.'"


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A Frenchman, an Italian and a Texan were discussing love-making.

"Last night I made love to my wife three times" boasted the Frenchman. "She was in sheer ecstasy this morning..."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times", the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the Texan remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once." he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.

"And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."


121 Dirty Men Jokes
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