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Dirty Lawyer Jokes

6 Dirty Lawyer Jokes
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A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband has developed a penchant for anal sex. So I came to you for advice."

"Ok, let's see...does it hurt you?"

"Hmmmm .. a little."

"Do you like it?"

"Hmmm ..... well, yes."

"Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do it. If you take care about not getting pregnant."

"Getting pregnant? I didn't know you could get pregnant in that way."

"Of course you can. Where do you think all lawyers come from?"






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Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered.

The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think the file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable."


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There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date.

The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that I'm a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh! You're a lawyer?"

He said, "Why, yes I am!"

So they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already fucking someone!"


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Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. As a surprising concidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down, also knocking the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You see, I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going, and in fact, since I'm also an orphan, don't even know what I am"

"Quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours, as I am also blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," said the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, and you have really long ears and your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you ! Thank you!" ,cried the bunny in obvious excitement.

"Maybe I can feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and said, "Well, You're scaly and slimy, you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls. I'd say you must be either a politician or an attorney. "


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The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked.

"I want Natalie," the old man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else?"

"No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charged $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereafter the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man:

"No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."

Some things in life are certain: Taxes, death and being fucked by an attorney.


6 Dirty Lawyer Jokes
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