Dirty Deep Thoughts Jokes

Height of Unemployment
    - Cobwebs in the pussy of a prostitute.

Height of Trouble
  - A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass is itching.

Height of Technology
  - Condom with a zip.

Height of Sophistication
  - Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of patience
  - A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.

Height of Innocence
  - A teenager girl applying ointment to her nipples.

Height of frustration
  - A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Disgust
  - While wiping after a good shit, your finger pokes through the paper.

Height of Competition
  - A guy pissing beside a waterfall.

• Abra-Kebabra: Magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food vanishes down the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it suddenly reappears on the taxi floor.
• Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
• Vagina Decliner, Starfish Trooper or Asstronaut: A homosexual.
• Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.
• Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too fucked up to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
• BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
• Boiler Suit: The prosecution charges that you did willfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a Bobfoc last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
• Bone of Contention: A hard-on that causes an argument. For example, one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
• Budgie's Tongue or Small Man In A Boat or Tongue Punchbag: The female erection.
• BVH: Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.
• Cider Visor: Beer Goggles for the young drinker.
• Cliterature: 1-handed reading material.
• Double Bass: A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
• Etch-A-Sketch: Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
• Flogging On: Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
• Frigmarole: Unnecessary time-consuming foreplay.
• FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit: The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.
• Greyhound: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
• Hand-to-Gland Combat: A vigorous masturbation session.
• Hefty Cleft or Horse's Collar or Welly Top: Description of a very large pussy.
• Millennium Domes: The contents of a Wonderbra. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's ain't shit in there worth seeing.
• Monkey Bath: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".
• 10-Pinter: Someone that you'd only mack on after drinking at least 10 pints.
• NBR: No Beers Required. Someone that you'd mack on instantly in the pub.
• Mystery Bus: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
• Mystery Taxi: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
• Sperm Wail or Spuphemism: A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
• X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
• Titanic: A girl who goes down first time out.
• Todger Dodger: A lesbian.
• Wank Seance: During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives are watching you with disgust.

Okay, if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags".

And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs."

What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

When you buy pussy you're not paying for sex, you're paying her to get the fuck out afterward.

There are two sides to every divorce:

Yours and shithead's.