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Dirty Blonde Jokes

32 Dirty Blonde Jokes
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed abeer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle"






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One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driverwas! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license...?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop."Registration..... what's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes," replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.""WHAT!!? I can't do that. It's..... inappropriate," exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it," said the dispatcher.So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no ... not ANOTHER breathalyzer."




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Q: What do a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?
A: They both have little Black Boxes.

Q: Why don't blondes water ski?
A: Because they lie down as soon as their crotches get wet.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: If you slap a mosquito, it'll stop sucking.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

Q: What do you call a bleached blonde standing on her head?
A: A brunette with bad breath!

Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock knock jokes?
A: Cos they go and answer the fucking door.

Q: How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: She can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear!

Q: How is a blonde different than a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde - she is eighteen.

Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than he gave horses?
A: So they wouldn't shit during the parade.

Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustache.

Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation.

Q: What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage.

Q: How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
A: Startled.

Q: What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover?
A: "What part of 'yes' don't you understand?"




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Susan K - a blonde - decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To herdisappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, soshe calls the video store to complain.

Upon answering the phone, Judi excaims "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." To which the store clerk responds "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

"It's called Head Cleaner."




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A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.

He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.

Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"

The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM???


32 Dirty Blonde Jokes
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