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Dirty IT Jokes

11 Dirty IT Jokes
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  • It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but hard to get any real work done.
  • If you don't apply protective measures, it can spread viruses.
  • It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses- and confuses- yours.
  • We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
  • If you're not careful, it can get you in big trouble.
  • Some people have it, some don't
  • People who have it would be devastated if it were cut off- and they think those who don't have it want it.
  • People who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy but think it's not worth the fuss made about it.
  • Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.
  • Some people would play with it all day if they didn't have to work. Of course, some people do anyways!





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Eleven Reasons Why E-mail is Like a Penis:

11.Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cutoff.

10.Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, butthink it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call "e-mail Envy."

7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to getany real work done.

6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people stillthink that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today useit mostly for fun.

5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spreadviruses.

4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more andmore difficult to think coherently.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get youinto a lot of trouble. And the number one reason Why e-mail is Like a Penis...

1. If you play with it too much, you go blind.


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A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying:

"NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils stashed in his pocket protector, and a belt at least a foot too long.

The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident,and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."


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What is the difference between a girl and a computer?

A computer will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.


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After working for many long, hard years a hooker decides to finally retire. Fearful of spending the rest of her life alone, she also decides to marry.

Having been with so many perverted men over the years, she felt that she needed a change and committed to marrying only a virgin male approx. the same age as herself.

She took out numerous ads in various newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin approximately 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choices down to one Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was convinced that he indeed had never been with a woman and they were soon afterward married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she returns, she finds that her new husband has taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner. Thinking this rather kinky, she asks her husband, "I thought you had never been with a woman before?"

He replies, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!"


11 Dirty IT Jokes
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