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Clean Women Jokes

68 Clean Women Jokes
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The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there is was too late and the man had died.

While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed thatthe bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going."






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A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. One day she picked up the urn he was in and poured him out on the counter.

Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?" She answeredby saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"

She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember that blowjob I promised you? Here it comes..."




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The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"

"I was in bed."

"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"

"Getting a second opinion"




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A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her):

I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him):I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.

You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.




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Men & Women At An ATMHIM:
  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Insert card
  3. Enter PIN number and account
  4. Take cash, card and receipt
  5. Go!
HER:
  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
  3. Shut off engine
  4. Put keys in purse
  5. Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine
  6. Hunt for card in purse
  7. Insert card
  8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
  9. Enter PIN number
  10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
  11. Hit "cancel"
  12. Re-enter correct PIN number
  13. Check balance
  14. Look for envelope
  15. Look in purse for pen
  16. Make out deposit slip
  17. Endorse checks
  18. Make deposit
  19. Study instructions
  20. Make cash withdrawal
  21. Get in car
  22. Check makeup
  23. Look for keys
  24. Start car
  25. Check makeup
  26. Start pulling away
  27. STOP
  28. Back up to machine
  29. Get out of car
  30. Take card and receipt
  31. Get back in car
  32. Put card in wallet
  33. Put receipt in checkbook
  34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
  35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
  36. Check makeup
  37. Put car in gear, reverse
  38. Put car in drive
  39. Drive away from machine
  40. Travel 3 miles
  41. Release parking brake



68 Clean Women Jokes
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