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Clean Redneck Jokes

63 Clean Redneck Jokes
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It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed ona Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel isknown as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

  • Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
  • OK = ats aww-right
  • cancel = hail no
  • reset = aw shoot
  • yes = shore
  • no = Naaaa
  • find = hunt-fer it
  • go to = over yonder
  • back = back yonder
  • help = hep me out here
  • stop = ternit off
  • start = crank it up
  • settings = sittins
  • programs = stuff at does stuff
  • documents = stuff I done done

Also note that WINDERS 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 98

  • tiperiter...................A word processor
  • colering book...............a graphics program
  • addin mershene..............calculator
  • outhouse paper .............notepad
  • jupe-box....................CD Player
  • inner-net...................Microsoft Explorer
  • pichers.....................A graphics viewer
  • IRS.........................M/S accounting software
  • IRS2........................M/S accounting software

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.






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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a 'redneck' joke?" The guy beside him stiffens.

"Before you start, buddy, I think you oughta know something: I'm 6' 2" tall, weigh 200 pounds and I was born and raised a redneck. This ol' boy sittin' next to me is 6' 4", 225 and a redneck through and through. And that redneck sittin’ next to him is better'n 6' 6", 275. Now, sonny—do you still want to tell your little joke?"

To which the first guy replies, "Nah. I'm glad you told me. I'd hate to have to explain it three times!"




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10 Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer:

  1. The monitor is up on blocks
  2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them
  3. The six front keys have rotted out
  4. The extra RAM slots have Dodge Truck parts stored in them
  5. The numeric keypad only goes up to six
  6. The password is BUBBA
  7. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU
  8. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive
  9. The keyboard is camouflaged
  10. And, the best way to tell if a REDNECK has been working on acomputeris......The Mouse is referred to as a 'Critter'




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Q: What do you call a basement full of farmers?

A: A whine-cellar




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A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.

"That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."


63 Clean Redneck Jokes
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