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John was waiting to cross the street when a blind man approached with his guide-dog. The traffic sign turned green and instead of helping its master to cross, the dog raised its rear leg and peed on the shoes of the blind man.

Observing that, the blind man reached into his pocket and offered the dog a cookie.

John told the blind man in amazement, "If it is my dog I'd have kicked its butt!". The blind man calmly replied, "I'm going to. But I need to find its head first".






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Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all American.

Male cheerleaders are scary.




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A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"

The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know".

The lady then asked again, "Are they both boys or girls or either of each?"

The man looked angrier still and replied, "I don't know!"

The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"

The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company!"




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Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to takecare of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed".

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg."

To which Adam replied, "What can I get for just a rib?"

The rest is history.




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Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary's hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the first couple's tank. As he is doing this, he looks into the passenger window.

"Hey, Hillary. We used to date in high school. Do you remember me?" he asks. They chat for a few minutes, Bill pays and the first couple leaves.

As they drive Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary. "You used to date that guy? Just think what it would be like if you had married him," he says smugly.

Hillary looks at Bill and shrugs. Then she replies, "Well I guess you'd be pumping gas and he would be the President."




635 Clean Random Jokes
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