EmailAJoke.com - Jokes and funny pictures Telemarketer Prank Calls

Clean Lawyer Jokes

31 Clean Lawyer Jokes
Fast Nav.  
SENT: 592 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place.

He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"

The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."






SENT: 622 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding manstanding at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pinkenvelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottleandstarts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man andasks him what he is doing.

The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentinecards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.


SENT: 640 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A man was summoned to his attorney’s office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.

"Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a million dollars."

"That’s the bad news?" laughed the man. "I can’t wait to hear the terrible news."

The terrible news is...

"The picture is of you and your secretary!"


SENT: 662 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times.

On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new room, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."

This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.

She responded:

My first husband was an IBM Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be, but never delivered.

My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.

My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.

My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying - 'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach.'

My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.

My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

My seventh husband was from Finance and administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it.

My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product, he just wasn't sure how to position it.

My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it.

My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.

My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was collect stamps."

- God I miss him!

So now I've married you, and I'm really excited."

"Why is that," asked the lawyer.

"Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going to really get screwed this time!"


SENT: 541 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.

The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"

The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"

She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."

"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"

The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man.

I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."

"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."

That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.

She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished."

The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn.

Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the County bury her!"


31 Clean Lawyer Jokes
Fast Nav.