EmailAJoke.com - Jokes and funny pictures Telemarketer Prank Calls
See's Candies, Inc.

Funny New Dirty Jokes

The newest dirty jokes on EmailAJoke.com are below. Bookmark this page and check back often for more jokes!

SENT: 5 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.

"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."






SENT: 4 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal' s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied,'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'






SENT: 5 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in the middle of a divorce.

"Mickey," the judge says, "Minnie seems quite normal to me. I can't grant you a divorce just because you think she's crazy."

"I didn't say she was crazy," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy."




SENT: 6 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Interviewee: "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Interviewee: "I don't really give a shit what you think."




SENT: 7 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




Actor Michael Douglas sparked a firestorm claiming that he caught throat cancer by giving oral sex to women.

It begs the question: Is this a sound medical possibility or is Michael Douglas just the latest Democrat to blame everything on Bush?




SENT: 17 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




Many years ago on a long transatlantic flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.

When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were.

She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.

She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew.

She turned to the first officer and asked "Well young man, what is your job?"

He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, what do you mean by that?"

"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my fucking advice, he'll ask me."




SENT: 21 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait... Sorry.

I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.




SENT: 15 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was very nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his latex gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't", she replied.

"Well," he spoofed, 'there's a building here in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't even crack a smile.

Oh, well. At least I tried", he thought.

But about five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she suddenly burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked her.

"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"




SENT: 14 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant."

The boy thought for a moment... "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."




SENT: 28 times
E-mail To:
 A Friend
 Entire Address Book
 Clean Address Book
 Dirty Address Book




You should actually do this every year. Even more often if you spend a lot of time on the computer. This was recommended by a writer in a tech journal.

I was surprised to see how well it works, and how far off mine was.

To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the capital S below, then drag it toward the small g. If it doesn't work immediately, you might want to clean your mouse, as the calibration is off.

Shit!!! Shit! You'll believe anything

FEEL FREE TO RECOMMEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS ONCE YOU SEE HOW MUCH SMOOTHER AND BETTER THE MOUSE WORKS AFTER BEING CALIBRATED. AMAZING!









icon