Funny New Dirty Jokes

Top 10 things that sound dirty at Christmas, but aren't:

• Did you get any under the tree?
• I think your balls are hanging too low
• Check out Rudolph's Honker!
• Santa's sack is really bulging
• Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath
• Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
• I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy
• From here you can’t tell if they're artificial or real
• Can I interest you in some dark meat?
• To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of John's balls."

Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?"

"No", Sue answers. "That dirty."

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jed's truck. Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yonder and said, "Thats where I first had sex."

Bobby-Joe said,"How was it."

Jed said,"It was great til' I looked up and saw her mom was watching."

Bobby-Joe yelled,"Oh shit, what did she say?"

Jed repiled "Baaa."

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men, and they put money in his underwear. If the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."

Knock, Knock!

Who’s There?

Anita!

Anita who?

Anita Dick inside me!

Knock, Knock!

Who’s There?

Little boy blue.

Little boy blue who?

Michael Jackson!

Knock, Knock!

Who’s There?

Howie!

Howie who?

Howie gonna hide this dead body?

Knock, Knock!

Who’s There?

Dewey!

Dewey who?

Dewey have to use a condom?

Knock, Knock!

Who’s There?

Budweiser!

Budweiser who?

Budweiser mother taking her clothes off!

Knock knock!

Who's There?

Jenny Tull

Jenny Tull Who?

Jenny Tull Warts

Knock Knock

Who’s There?

(sexy voice) Who would you like it to be?

Knock Knock

Who’s There?

Ben Hur

Ben Hur who?

Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!

Knock Knock!

Who's There?

Asshole!

Asshole who!

Open the door and find out asshole!

Knock, Knock!

Who’s There?

Ivana

Ivana who?

Ivana fuck your brains out!