Funny New Clean Jokes

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "About a gallon."

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

America once had Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope.

Now we have Barack Obama, no cash, no jobs and no hope.

I know a great knock-knock joke.

Ok, tell me.

All right. You start.

Ok, knock, knock!

Who's there?

Q: What do you call a midget fortuneteller on the run from the law?

A: A small medium at large.

You take your dog for a walk and both use the same tree.

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Wendy.

Wendy who?

Wendy wind blows de cradle will rock.