Funny Dirty Jokes

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?

We don't fucking know, they haven't met yet!

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme.

Did you hear about the new paint on the market?

It's called Blonde. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy!

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.

Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman.

Delirious from shock, the woman shouted, "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"

The man replied, "Do you suck?"

Stunned at this, the woman said, "No, I don't suck!"

And with that, the man let go of her.

"Shit!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at the 9th floor.

"Thank God!" she screamed. "I would have died if it weren't for you!"

The man asked, "Do you fuck?"

Absolutely aghast, the woman answered, "No, I don't fuck!"

Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor.

Not believing her luck, the woman shouted, "I suck! I fuck!"

"Slut," the man said, and dropped her.

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"