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Would You Please Pass The Stuffing?Today is the day to give thanks. Well, it will be for me... We're holding a faux traditional Thanksgiving for some company in from Germany: Turkey, stuffing, rolls, that weird molded jiggly cranberry thing and gravy. The works! Naturally, I jumped at the chance to attend as soon as it was offered to me and my wife. What was I thinking?!?! Has the offseason gone to my head? The next 20 or so Sundays are reserved for football. Being so early in the season I had forgotten that. Don't get me wrong. I still wanna go to see the family and have some good eats, but I didn't even consult the mighty TV schedule to see if my Dolphins were on network TV. As my luck would have it. They're not... This is my curse for planning to stuff myself, isn't it? Enjoy the jokes and see ya soon! |
| NTSB Results |
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Crap!" Only the state of Tennessee was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!" |
| Getting Pulled Over |
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license...?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. "It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes," replied the officer. "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes" replied the cop. "Here's what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. It's..... inappropriate," exclaimed the cop. "Trust me..... just do it," said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no ... not ANOTHER breathalyzer." |
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