While escaped, a convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?

A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?

A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?

A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

A: K9P.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?

A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?

A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.