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What's new everyone? Got plans for the 4th of July weekend yet?

It's just a couple of days away but I can't wait. Seems like I've been stuck in this house or at work for ages. 3 days off in a row would be nice right about now.

Seeing as I probably won't send anymore jokes before Monday, everyone try and make it to Tuesday with all their digits intact.

Without further ado...


Earth Father?

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.

"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.

"Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

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Laughing in the Grass

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

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