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Man I Feel Old TodayI'm only 31 (almost 32 - June 28th, baby!) and while that's probably going to seem old to a lot of you out there, I didn't think it was too old until last night. See, we got some new renters in the house next door to mine. That's fine - they can't possibly do a worse job on the yard... But that's not what made me feel old. They've also got a pool. And even though it's been years since I've swam, that's not why I feel old either. Instead, it's the fact that last night at 10 o'clock and the night before at 10:30, kids were out in the pool swimming and screaming. I'm not one for stopping they're fun, but come on - at least try to be a little more quiet. Eventually I had enough - because as some of you may recall I have a 6-month old daugher now - and in trying to make sure my daughter didn't wake up, I put on my flip flops and went next door to ask if this was going to be a common occurrance and if they could please keep it down. They were polite enough and did keep quiet the rest of the night. However, it got me thinking: I'm now one step closer to yelling at kids telling them to stay off my lawn. Damn I feel old. Take it easy everyone. And congratulations to my sister Katie for graduating High School! Going to college will be a first for Tifers of my generation. |
| 3 Aging Men |
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?" "No, I have a bowel movement every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and have a bowel movement every morning at 6:30. What's so tough about being 80?" "...I don't wake up until 7:00." |
| Rules that guys wished girls knew |
| Rules that guys wished girls knew.......... 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again! 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat. 9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 11. Shopping is not sport. 12. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 13. You have enough clothes. 14. You have too many shoes. 15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too. 17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend. 24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 25. Check your oil. 26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do. 27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. 29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. 35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do. 39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines. 40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 41. Anyone can buy condoms. |
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