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Three C'sI had this forwarded to me from a friend at work and thought it would be good to post in here:
ON COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. ON THE CONSTITUTION:They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years. Plus, we're not using it anymore. ON THE TEN COMMANDMENTS:The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse... You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.
Enjoy the jokes and have a good weekend. |
| Chet The Singing Parrot |
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas Carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The pet store manager lights the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night". The man becomes very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts singing "Jingle Bells" The man says that Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. He rushes home to his wife, and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain his special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings " Silent Night " again. He then moves the lighter under Chet's right foot and again Chet lets loose with a round of " Jingle Bells ". The wife is terribly impressed, and with a mischievous grin, asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lit lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing "Chet's Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire! |
| The Farting Lesson |
Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact." The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?" Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted, but when she was done there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt. "No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "You've got a Double-Barrel!" |
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