 |
I've got to live in the only ghetto that's surrounded by golf courses. I know that sounds odd, but check out what happened last night... It's 2:15 AM and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even.... wait, wrong story. So we're all sleeping and we're awoken by a loud 'Bang, Bang, Bang'. I'm out of it, but my wife is feeding our daughter. So she asks 'Was that gunfire?'. Apparently I answered with a 'Not likely' thinking that since we're 1 mile away from a golf course on either side of us, that gunfire somehow wouldn't occur around here. So we went to sleep. And boy was I wrong. It's now 5:30 AM and my wife was up getting ready for work, and feeding our daughter (yet again!). She calls out waking me up saying 'I think it was gunfire. Look.' I go out there and she points out bits of drywall and dust throughout our living room. Yep, that's right. A freaking bullet passed through our house! The cop I called out said it looks like a 9mm. I'll get some pictures for the next mailing list, but to make it short, it came through the wall outside, passed through our attic, exited the wall from the attic and then lodged into a wall adjacent to that wall. Jeez... On top of that, it got drywall dust all over my big ass HDTV. Those bastages... Seriously though: We're alright. I'll try to show you some pics tomorrow. |
| Check For Moths First |
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couples house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked. "I am waiting for my husband to come home from work." The daughter-in-law replied. "Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my love dress" the daughter-in-law replied. "LOVE DRESS? You are naked!" said the mother-in-law. "But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy." Said the daughter-in-law. "I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued. Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume and waited by the door for her husband to come home. Finally the pick up truck drove up the drive way and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife naked by the door. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my LOVE DRESS" the mother-in-law replied. "Maybe you should iron it first." He replied. |
| Mother |
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional." About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter back from his mother: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now." Love, Mom |
| If you'd like to unsubscribe from EmailAJoke.com, click here |