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Citizen Arrest! Senior Citizen Arrest!Any story that begins with 'An American senior citizen killed an alleged mugger with his bare hands' is bound to be a good one, right? Read that and try to imagine what the 2 who got away ended up telling their friends because you know damn well that they didn't give the real version of the story to them. Who's really going to say: Yeah, we saw some elderly people and decided to mug them. Even though we had knives and guns, one of them snapped Warner's neck with his bare hands. Now that's a citizen's arrest. Serves those punks right. Makes me think twice before I call someone 'grandpa' or 'old timer' in a fit of rage... Gotta go. Taking my daughter to the zoo today. Just saw this story and thought it might be good to mix in with your jokes. Have a good one. |
| Be Nice To The Stewardess |
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you cow!" Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now, cow, or I'll give you a slap." Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!" |
| Listen To The Doctor |
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still smoking. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead." |
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