It's A Girl!

A man goes into a pet shop that advertises "unusual pets" and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.

The owner says, "How about Phil, the dog?" The man replies, "Come on, a dog can't do everything."

The owner says, "How about Miriam, the cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything, damn it!"

The owner thinks for a minute. Then says, "I've got it! Charlie, the centipede! HE can do everything. But it will cost you."

The man says, "Charlie, the centipede? ... I can't imagine a centipede doing everything but ... okay, if you guarantee he can do everything ... I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says, "Charlie, clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate. All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away. The countertops cleaned. The appliances sparkling. The floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Charlie, go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed. The furniture cleaned and dusted. The pillows on the sofa plumped and the plants were watered.

The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This is a pet that really can do everything."

He sits down to watch a little TV, turns to the centipede and says, "Charlie, run down to the corner and get me a newspaper, please." The centipede leaves. 10 minutes later, no Charlie. 20 minutes later, no Charlie. 30 minutes later, still no Charlie.

The man is wondering what's going on. The darn centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later, Charlie was no where to be seen.

The man can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is Charlie? He goes to the front door, opens it and there's Charlie sitting right outside the door. The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you out 45 minutes ago to run down to the corner and get me a newspaper. What's the story?!"

The centipede says, angrily, "Hey, man, cut me some slack here, will ya? I'm still putting on my shoes!"

Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if he could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross his legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too....

And, the NUMBER ONE thing men did when they woke up with a vagina...Finally find that damned spot.