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Christmas is coming up and it's definitely my favorite time of the year. I've lamented before about how it's harder to get into the Christmas spirit down here in Florida where it's 80 degrees most days compared to say - some winter wonderland - but it doesn't mean it's impossible.
Remember yesterday I was talking about my mother-in-law? Well, this is her with my beautiful daughter. It's kinda hard to tell in this pic, but her hair is pink and it gets many looks/comments whenever we let her out of the cage. Told you not to trust the Bluetooth... Anywho... in addition to your normal jokes, here's another one a friend sent me in the mail (yes, that's why I started this joke site -- I got tons of jokes in my e-mail every day). A Little Christmas HumorWhen four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas,' Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. |
And this year my wife and I got the best Christmas gift we could ask for. Our daughter Lauren.
| Awfully Quiet Now |
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." |
| Were Those Crotchless Before You Put Them On? |
A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing up. After work, she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless panties. She went home and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him as they had a drink. She slowly spread her legs..."Honey would you like some of this?" "Hell no, look what it's done to your underwear!" |
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