A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You are going to die. But we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."

The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.

She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What is your wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This is your last wish, white man. What you want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

Bob walks up to his best friend and tells him that he is having a major problem with his elbow. His friend tells him to go to the mall and there will be a fortune telling machine there. All you have to do is put five dollars in it and it will make noises and flash lights and tell you whats wrong.

So Bob gives it a shot. He goes to the mall inserts the money and it makes noises and lights start to flash. Then a urine cup pops out of it and, he goes and pisses in the cup. Then he dumps it in the machine. It coughs out a piece of paper, reading: you have tennis elbow, refrain from hard work and ice your elbow.

Well Bob is pretty amazed but he wonders if it can be fooled. So he puts another five dollars in it and it spits out a cup. Except this time he takes the cup home and puts in his wife's pussy juices, his dogs poop, tap water, his daughters piss, along with some cum from him.

The next day he goes to the mall and dumps the mixture in the machine. It coughs out a piece of paper, that reads: Your wife is cheating, get a divorce... Your dog has worms, get him vitamins... You have hard water, get a softner...ur daughter is pregnant, get her counseling.. And if you don't quit jacking off your tennis elbow will never get better.