- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, watch this!"
- Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare.
- You think the last words of The Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The bluebook value of your truck goes up or down according to how much gas it has in it.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.